


Saved By The Devil

by IceCreamKing



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood and Gore, Cegan is consensual, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Rape Recovery, Violence, rape isn't cegan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-02 03:44:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12718959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceCreamKing/pseuds/IceCreamKing
Summary: Alexandria is under attack. Rick told his son to leave, to run. Carl runs into an enemy on the road though....and an unexpected savior.





	1. Killing Me Softly

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This fic explores heavy topics such as rape and underage relationships.

Carl's ears felt a deafening ring to them that filled his head with pain. His body was heavy, as though anchors were latched to his ankles with every weighted step he took. The sweat that rolled down his back felt chilled in the evening air. His breathing was ragged and labored, threatening to give out at any moment.

The teen glanced back with the one eye he had. The moans and groans of the undead wasn't far off. He was exhausted. He'd been running and darting everywhere for what seemed like hours. It was endless. 

The recent scenes of what had happened flashed before him as he ran. The explosions. The gunshots. The hoard of walkers that had appeared. His dad yelling at him to run. Pushing him. His desperate expression. The last expression he saw before the explosions had engulfed his father. They had been attacked, by a group that they didn't recognize to be the Saviors. These men were ferocious. Disturbing. Similar to the Wolves. What would they be doing to his friends....?

Carl felt tears sting his eye which he tried to will away. He shook his head. He couldn't think about this right now. He needed to survive. Just keep going. The brunette knew he was completely lost. He'd ran from Alexandria at random. He'd taken so many turns and had been running for so long he'd lost track of where he was. He was alone. Lost. With no idea what to do.

The teen had his large knife gripped in his hand, his knuckles white as he took down walkers in his way. He, of course had lived in this world long enough to know what to do. However, it was impossible for one person to deal with dozens of walkers. 

His throat felt so dry that it scratched with every breath. His lungs hit him with pain as though they were competing with the rest of his body to see which area could feel the most painful. He knew he was slowing down, but he couldn't keep going like this. Before he knew it, Carl had wandered onto the road. He stopped for a moment and bent over, putting his hands on his knees as he panted, gasping for breath to fill his sore lungs. He just needed a moment. A moment to regain his strength-

The sound of a vehicle snapped Carl back into reality. The male immediately ran back into the forest and he crouched, hiding behind the foliage it provided him. He took off his hat and held it as he peeped up to see who was driving by. Carl was mistaken. There was more than one car. Jeeps, storage trucks. It made his stomach sink. He knew they must've taken their things from the looks of it. That wasn't his priority right now though. He needed to get back to Alexandria and see what happened-

"Someone likes to spy huh?"

Carl whipped his head around at the growling voice from behind him, however he was too late. Pain erupted from his skull, and everything went black.  
\----------------  
".....with....him..."  
"Should....kill...."  
"He's pretty....keep him with the women..."

Carl heard multiple voices surrounding him as he regained consciousness. Bits and pieces of their conversation were being thrown at him, however his head hurt so badly that he was focused on the pain. He groaned with discomfort as he opened his eye. 

"Oh, he's awake. Finally. Fuckin' sleepin' beauty over here."

Carl frowned and looked up at a large man who was talking. He looked dirty. His expression was unsettling as well. When he tried moving he felt ropes bite into his wrists. The ropes at his ankles didn't feel any better either. He also noticed that it wasn't light out anymore. It had turned dark, the night sky shrouding everything in a purple hue. 

He felt the weight of his knife and gun gone from his side. He was uncomfortably laying on the ground on his stomach. He tried taking in his surroundings with his limited sight, and it seemed like they hadn't went anywhere since knocking him out. 

"Hey, we're talkin' to yah." 

A small gasp left Carl's lips as he was quite literally picked up by the hair on his head. He felt the large hand curling around the hair at his scalp and harshly pulling it to sit him up. He bit his lip. It hurt, he probably had a concussion. He didn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing he was in pain though. Carl simply glared at the man with the one eye he had. About five or so other men stood around him. 

A whistle came from the man holding his hair. "He's a pretty one, I told yah guys."

The teen felt bile rising in his throat, feeling disgusted as the men looked at him. Their gazes made him uncomfortable. It felt weird. Different. 

"How old are yah boy?" Another man asked.

Carl chose not to respond.

"Maybe he's a fuckin' mute." A man next to him said with a frown. 

The man who still gripped his hair shook him roughly, "Tell us how old yah are boy, before we take out your only eye." He spoke in a sadistic, twisted voice.

".....15." Carl was actually 17. However, he assumed they would go easy on a kid, so he tried making himself seem younger. 

The glances the men exchanged just made Carl's heart speed up with anxiety. Did he make a mistake?

"I get 'im first, I'm the one who said we shouldn't kill him." Carl suddenly felt the breath knocked out of him as he was shoved down to the ground. Rocks bit his cheek as he winced from the jarring movement and the strong hand pressing against his back. He felt angry, but also confused. 

When the hands started touching his waist though, his heart dropped.  
He knew this feeling.  
His mind flickered back to years ago. When he'd been on the road with his dad and Michonne. He'd blocked the memory from his mind the best he could, but now it was rapidly playing through his head like a sadistic movie he was forced to sit and watch. Then, he didn't understand what was happening, but he knew it was bad. The hands that had traveled his body felt like needles. Every touch dirtied him, every breath on his neck was poison being shot through his veins.

His mind seemed to panic, having a breakdown of epic proportions as right now similar hands ran across his stomach and hips. He froze, his breathing picking up speed as he felt his pants being slid down his legs.

"No....n-no...stop...please..." Carl hadn't ever felt his resolve melt away so quickly before. His eyesight became blurry as his eye quickly became filled with tears. He began jerking his body, trying anything to get away from this man overtop of him. He didn't care that his wrists screamed in protest as they were being bit into. That weight, that stench, that feeling, that violation, he was being killed slowly from the inside out and he hated it. Absolutely hated it.

The words from the men were words he knew would engrave into his mind. He'd be hearing them for nights to come. Everything had went from feeling unreal to all too real. Too hyper sensitive. His five senses picking up everything he felt, heard, or smelt. 

"Haha, look at him squirm-"

"They're best when they're a virgin-"

"Do it Pat, take his pants off."

The hands roaming his body seemed to travel every inch. His neck, his chest, his stomach, his thin hips. Carl felt like throwing up as those hands had moved down to start groping at his bottom. He didn't want this to happen.

"Please, please stop, please-" the slew of begging came uncontrollably from his mouth as hiccuped sobs began, and the response was just laughter. It seemed to just get them more excited.  
Sickos.

Carl closed his eye as he felt his body becoming exposed bit by bit. His underwear was next. He'd do anything, anything to get away-

The sounds of gun fire startled Carl.  
Before he could even react he heard the man above him yell, a loud thwump following and then the weight of the man leaving his body. 

His eye widened as he felt hands, surprisingly gentle hands, undoing his restraints. Someone had saved him.

"You okay kid?" 

Oh no. He knew that voice. It was deep, honey-dipped, laced with mischief and misfortune every time he heard it.  
He suddenly wondered if it was a good thing he was being saved by this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the first chapter. Sorry if the story seems to be moving too fast, I haven't written much fanfic in awhile. I don't really have a direction for this fic? What do you guys think? Lemme know! Thanks for reading!


	2. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Negan is shocked to find Carl in the middle of all of this. He sure as hell will do something about it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Negan's POV! Also, I don't actually know how to use italics on AO3 mobile, so / means something is in italics!

Negan was pissed to all hell as he'd heard about an unknown group attacking Alexandria. /His/ Alexandria. Coincidentally enough some of his men had been on their way there to do pick-up. They'd escaped before the violence could take off, having come to tell Negan immediately.

In an instant Negan was up and out of his chair, his paperwork being thrown aside as he reached for Lucille. He wrapped his leather gloved hand around the bat as he announced confidently, "Let's go teach those motherfuckers a lesson." 

Negan didn't plan on coming to Alexandria and seeing it completely destroyed. The houses blown to smithereens, the dead bodies that littered the streets, the stench of decay beginning to fill the air. It shocked him. It was, well, pretty gruesome. 

It's not like Negan really cared about the people. Alexandria was full of strong people though, and they were /his/. Rick was his, Carl was his, the fucking gum attached to the bottom of their shoes was his. He didn't like anyone upsetting the natural flow of his reign. He was on a mission to, as said, teach those motherfuckers a lesson. Maybe they could replace Alexandria when it came to scavenging. 

That idea was, without hesitation, thrown out the window as he saw what was unfolding in front of him from this group. 

Negan had brought many men with him to follow the enemies' tracks. They were bumbling idiots no doubt, obvious tire marks showed where they had went. However, Negan didn't want to just march his men right up to them and give them a chance to retaliate. After driving part way he'd taken at least a dozen men with him through the woods for a surprise attack. Was it dirty trick? Maybe so. But Negan was a dirty guy. There's no dirty tricks in war.

The dark of the night shrouded him and his men with cover as they'd made their way through the woods as quietly as possible. He could hear and see the enemy group in the weak light that the moon provided. There were multiple vans and trucks, and the men were scattered about. Seeming to either be eating or chatting. Setting up camp in the middle of the road? Fuck, these guys were too confident. It annoyed Negan. Oh, he'd definitely be teaching them to know their place. 

His attention had been brought over to a familiar voice. It puzzled him. He'd heard that voice before. It sounded different though. Differently toned. Negan held up a hand for his men to stand back. "I'll give a signal. Radio for the others." He instructed a man to his left who nodded. 

Negan then crept up closer to the scene as best he could by using the foliage the woods provided him. What he saw made his blood run cold. Fuck, something had to be pretty bad for /him/ to feel chills. 

A familiar, discarded sheriff's hat lay in the dirt, forgotten and seemed to have been thrown away hastily. No one was paying it attention as feet away, a crowd of five men were laughing and jeering at someone being pinned to the ground. That someone, was the kid. Carl. 

His voice sounded unrecognizable, the pleading tone from the teen was one he'd never heard before. It was weaved with sobs and hiccups that chilled Negan to his core. The last thing he heard was a man laughing with amusement and saying, "Let's make him beg for it."

Negan stood without a second thought, and his legs carried him over to the group who hadn't even noticed him. He felt an overwhelming sense of rage. It may've seemed odd, for him, a ruthless murderer to feel angry about this, but he did. Negan had a bit of a soft spot for children and teens. Negan held up a quick hand to signal to his men. Kill on sight. Every last one of them.

His men obeyed and soon gunfire ensued as they emerged from the woods. Not before Negan took a huge swing at the man overtop of Carl. It was satisfying to feel the crunch of his skull under Lucille's wrath. Negan usually felt a rush of power and superiority in these moments when he decided someone's fate under his bat. However, this time he just felt anger. Pure rage. Crimson droplets of blood flew as he swung again. The man came falling off of Carl and to the side. Negan didn't hesitate to swing. Again. And again. He kept at it until the remains reminded him of spaghetti sauce. So satisfying. 

The others in the disgusting vermin group had been shot already, which Negan thought was going too soft on them, but at least the immediate threat to the familiar teen was eliminated.

Negan's hazel eyes glided from the mangled corpse below him and towards Carl, who was now covered in blood. He moved to undo Carl's restraints. He felt the boy's chest moving rapidly under him as he undid the binding as gently as he could. He felt sorry for the poor kid. He felt enraged. He'd never seen Carl like this, and he definitely didn't like it one bit. 

"You ok kid?" Negan asked as he dropped Lucille to his side to flip Carl over.  
His stomach clenched with a nauseated feeling as he saw the boy's expression.

He was terrified. His jaw looked clenched, tears streaming from his eye and snot running from his nose. His face was red from crying, his breathing ragged and labored as Negan felt his body shaking under his hold.

"L-Let go of me!" The brunette yelled as he shoved Negan away roughly. His shaky hands moved to pull up his underwear and pants. Carl's expression read fright and hopelessness, mixtured with looking lost. 

Negan was surprised by how he was shoved off. The kid still had his fighting spark. The shove didn't really do much, considering the kid was half his size and weight. The gesture still made Negan uncomfortable. Not that he was offended. He was uncomfortable about the fact that Carl was so shook up to be shoving him away without a second thought about Negan retaliating. Though, he was kinda his enemy, and it was pretty understandable. Negan could tell it wasn't just that fact though. Carl seemed frazzled and unhinged. 

The yells and gunfire around him seemed to just fade in the distance as his eyes met with one sapphire eye. He could hear cars approaching which meant his group was fully together to fight. Yeah, these creeps wouldn't last ten minutes against his men. 

Weirdly enough, that wasn't Negan's major concern right now. His concern was all directed at the boy in front of him who was eyeing him warily.

Negan finally spoke. "Look kid, I heard about what happened in Alexandria. We came here to fuck these guys up, you know, teach 'em who's boss." He began to explain casually as he stood. He bent over to pick up Lucille which he'd left on the ground. Huh. He'd actually forgotten about her for a moment. "But, from the looks of it these guys are disgusting vermin who all deserve to have their teeth pulled out of their heads and their fingers cut off one by one before I slowly have Lucille have a go at them." He stated casually. Uh, maybe that wasn't what he should be saying to Carl right now.

Carl's expression did change, at least a bit. "....what happened to Alexandria?" He asked, his voice sounding scratchy and distant.

Oh.  
The kid didn't know?  
He must've been taken before it started...or maybe he got away and got captured? Hm. It didn't matter right now though. Negan had to answer the boys' question and right now the usually badass dude he knew looked small and defenseless. It made Negan uneasy.

"Alexandria is gone kid. Wiped out." Negan wasn't one to sugarcoat the truth. He knew that Carl knew that too. He also wasn't lying, there was no benefit for him to and Carl knew that as well. Negan knew that little noggin' of his was smart. 

The teen looked to the side, his expression one full of worry and fright. Carl slowly sat up, and he brought his knees to his chest. Negan watched with confusion as the boy began rocking on the ground, his gaze looking distant as he noticed the teen's breathing picking up.

"Hey, hey, chill the fuck out." Negan spoke. Despite his usual tone, his voice had sprinkled hints of worry. What was the kid doing? What had they done to him?

The gunfire had ceased and Negan looked around at the corpses from this heinous group.  
"Negan, sir."  
The older male in question turned as he heard the voice of a familiar subordinate.  
"Ah, Dwighty my boy, what info do you got for me?" Negan demanded as he stood up straight. 

"They had a storage truck with....well with women inside. Some girls too...." He said in a quiet voice. Negan felt disgust. "Alright, we'll bring them back to the Sanctuary." He said as he paced over to the discarded sheriff's hat on the ground. He picked up the dirtied hat and went back over to Carl where he placed it on his head. 

"I have to go see...Judith...dad.." Carl moved to stand, and Negan watched as the boys' eyelids fluttered and he began toppling over.  
He dropped Lucille once more to catch Carl before he could faceplant to the ground.

"Whoa there cowboy, you don't look too good." Negan spoke as he held the small frame in his arms. He bit his lip. Carl felt so small. Not just because of his body type. Typically, Carl's demeanor just made him more intimidating. The way he acted, was without fear. The world he'd grown up in had molded him into a perfect soldier, and Negan had seen that from the day he met him. It fascinated him. At this very moment Carl seemed minuscule and terrified.  
"I know I'm the last person you want to see, but you know I wouldn't lie about Alexandria, what the fuck would be in it for me?" He pointed out.

Carl's expression looked distant, his skin paler than usual Negan noted. He could tell that his words had went through one ear and out the other.

Negan let out a sigh as Dwight looked onto the scene curiously. "What are you going to do with him?" He asked.

Negan contemplated this before hoisting Carl up into his arms, bridal style. "The only thing we can do-take him with us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the comments! I'm really happy for all of the positive feedback. I don't have very solid plans for this fic besides writing what I feel like haha, I hope you guys enjoy anyways!


	3. Blood In The Cut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl starts to find out about his new life, but he can't overcome the trauma he's experienced. Not alone at least.

The feeling of being grasped by sweat-slicked hands was smothering him. The tormenting touch persisted this panic-induced feeling that shot through his veins. It wouldn't stop. Oh god. He just wanted it to stop. He felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't think. He gulped for air like a fish on land, but all that filled his lungs was tainted air.   
Tainted. 

It was tainted. Every touch to his skin left an invisible mark that spread across his body like dripping paint on a blank canvas. Soon enough the canvas was covered from all of the spreading marks. It kept going, and going, why couldn't he breathe, he just wanted to breathe, he couldn't see now, he couldn't hear, he couldn't bring himself back to existence-

Carl's eyes opened. The sounds of his own panting filled his ears as he sat up quickly, a blanket falling down onto his lap. The brunette was shaking as he looked at his lap, trying to regain his bearings from the recent night terror he'd just experienced. He didn't know how long it had lasted. The memories of what had happened stuck in Carl's brain. Parts were blurry, almost like taken with a bad-quality Polaroid camera and the photos had been dipped in water to smear them before developing. Being held down. Hands touching him. Laughing. Fear. Then Negan.  
Negan.

Carl looked up in a frenzied state to take in where he was. Carl first noticed that he was in a bed. A very fluffy and big bed with silky black sheets and blankets. The bedroom was large, and Carl's eyes widened with realization as he saw the familiar leather couches and glass coffee table on the side. He was in Negan's room. In Negan's bed. 

Carl looked down at himself, and noticed he was wearing different clothes as well. It startled him somewhat and he felt a wave of worry at wondering who'd changed his clothes. He wore a large white t-shirt and some plain black pajama pants. He then raised a hand up to his eye. His bandages were gone. 

Before Carl could make a plan on what to do next, he was startled by the door being slammed open.

"Rise and shine sweetheart! Can't fuckin' sleep all day sleepin' beauty." A familiar deep voice boomed as the large man walked into the room, his barbed-wire bat resting on his shoulder as he sauntered over to Carl with a shit-eating grin.

Carl bit his lip as he glared at Negan. "Why did you bring me here?" He shot at him immediately. 

"Wow, talk about fuckin' manners huh?" Negan said with amusement as he lowered his bat to casually swing it around. "I couldn't leave a kid on the road half dead. I mean, I know I'm an asshole and all but I'm also a great guy, and great guys don't leave kids on the road to die." He spoke with his usual uncommon speech pattern. 

Carl continued to glare as he let out a huge sigh. His head hurt. He just wanted to lay back down under the cloud-like blankets and disappear. His mind was swimming with all that had happened. 

"Where are my clothes? My hat? Who changed me?" Carl demanded to Negan tiredly.

"Chill the fuck out. Your stuff is right there." Negan gestured to the dresser nearby, where Carl's clothes sat folded up, and his sheriff's hat laid on top. "I couldn't have you laying in my bed with those grimy-ass clothes." He chuckled. "And don't worry, one of my wives changed yah, she used to be a nurse. So don't worry about her seein' you naked." He joked.

Carl looked down, feeling upset from everything. He wanted desperately to just, poof from existence. He knew he couldn't do that. But why not? He didn't have anyone for him to live for anyway. His dad was gone. Judith. Enid. Everyone. 

"Did you see them?....the bodies. Was everyone dead?" Carl asked in a quiet voice as he glanced up to Negan.

Carl saw a flash of sympathy in Negan's expression, which was odd.   
Negan seemed to think for a moment before speaking. "I didn't see everyone, but it was wiped out. No one coulda survived that. Those men wouldn't let someone get away alive." He said in a serious voice.

Carl felt a flicker of hope. "We need to go back." He said as he crawled out of bed and stood up, a bit wobbly.

"Whoa, first of all, you're in /my/ house." Negan grabbed him by the shoulders to steady him. Oddly enough, the hands felt gentle. It didn't worry him like he thought it would've. 

Despite this Carl shook Negan off. "Fine, I'll go by myself." He spat out as he walked past him towards his clothes.

The teen was taken aback as he felt a hand grip his arm. It was tight, not painful, but firm and strong. "You're not leaving. You're in /my/ house. You do what I say Carl." The voice Negan used gave Carl shivers.

The brunette looked to him with a venomous expression that could bite, but he knew he should cooperate, for now. "....I want to take a shower." He spoke with a grumble.

Negan released his and nodded. "Alright kid." He moved beside Carl and Carl felt his arm slide around his shoulders. The teen felt a weird sense of safety come over him. It was nice. 

He shook his head. What was he even thinking? Trusting Negan. He killed Glenn. Abraham. Countless people.   
Carl kept this in mind but he knew right now, in this moment, Negan was the only person he could hold on to. Everyone else was gone. He was actually pretty lucky to have been picked up by him and brought here. Carl knew the Sanctuary from his last visit. He was safe as long as he'd work for Negan. Work for a murderer. 

Negan had led him to a door in the room, which he opened to reveal an extravagant bathroom. The porcelain white tub was huge, and there was multiple bathing products on a shelf above it. 

"Use whatever you want. You should take a bath, I got those fancy-ass bubbles and shit." The raven-haired man bragged as he gestured to the tub. Carl felt a weird sense of loneliness as he felt Negan's arm slide off of him.

"...do yah need anything? Otherwise I gotta go, work and all." Negan spoke in a weirdly understanding tone. 

"I'm fine." Carl replied stiffly as he looked at the tile on the floor, making patterns with it in his brain to occupy his mind.

"Alright, I should be back when you're done and we'll discuss what work you'll be doin' for your stay. Can't have anyone stay here as a freeloader after all." Negan stated simply before Carl listened to his footsteps recede and the door close behind him.

He sighed as he ran a hand through his long, greasy hair. He should take a bath. Carl silently slipped out of the clothes he wore, before he connected two-and-two. He was wearing one of Negan's shirts. Negan always wore these simple white muscle tops. It had to be his.

He noted this before tossing it aside and padding over to the tub. He turned on the hot water and put the plug in before filling it with random bath products he looked at. Might as well use whatever he wanted. Maybe try and use too much just to piss Negan off.

He turned off the water once the tub was full and Carl slid into it. The water was scorching hot, but he embraced it as he hugged his body. The bubbles around him covered him as he sunk in, and he let out a sigh while leaning his head back against the edge of the tub to stare at the blank ceiling.

Where was he to go from here? His safest bet was to just work here and stay here. He didn't want that though. He knew that. Currently he felt too drained to really care though. Physically and emotionally. He slowly sunk down into the water until he was completely encased in the sizzling sensation of the heated liquid biting at his skin. He was silent. Sitting still. Feeling his lungs begin to protest. Begin to burn. Begin to scream.

Carl resurfaced once he couldn't take it anymore, and he was seeing stars. He gasped for air, his vision clearing as oxygen filled his lungs. He panted heavily as he stared at the bubbles around him. It just felt hard to exist currently. 

The teen finally moved to grab a washcloth from the stack that sat with the bathing products. He dampened it and plopped some body wash onto it. Surprisingly Negan had some pretty feminine body washes. He must've had a weird feminine side that Carl didn't know about before. He did seem to stay well-pampered.

These thoughts were unimportant as he lifted his arm to start gently washing himself. He flinched with pain as he touched his side and he looked down and cleared some bubbles. His heart dropped as he saw the ugly bruises on his body. On his sides were large purple and blue handprints from how hard that man had squeezed him. His body was littered with bruises from the man's thumbs and nails having dug into his skin. 

His breathing picked up.

Carl held the washcloth tight as he began scrubbing at the bruise. It hurt. He kept going. He scrubbed, and scrubbed, his breathing quick and short as he tried to scrub the bruise away, he tried to scrub his skin away. His skin was dirty. His body was dirty. He, was dirty. He moved his hands to keep scrubbing at different parts of his body until his skin was turning pink and tender. 

He felt his eye fill with tears as a sob wracked it's way through his body. He could /see/ it. He could see the hands. He could /feel/ them on his body. He felt disgusting. He felt ashamed. He wanted nothing more than to peel his skin off, but even then it wouldn't be clean. He'd still have those feelings. He'd still remember how his body reacted with arousal, he'd still remember how he felt like vomiting, he'd still remember how those men looked at him and spoke to him.

He scrubbed. His skin was bleeding. The water was turning a light red, and his skin stung from the bloody rashes he was creating. His ears rang. He was in a trance, an impenetrable trance that he couldn't get free from until he was able to become clean.

He suddenly felt hands on his arms, and Carl let out a scream. He thrashed as the hands held his wrists. The identified hands grabbed him and pulled him free from the water, and Carl hyperventilated.

The feeling a soft towel made contact with his body and he was wrapped up with it and being held. 

"Carl....Carl..."

He heard the voice, it was muffled at first, until he felt everything come back into focus.

"Carl, shhh, it'll be ok..." the deep voice spoke as he felt a large hand pet his hair. The arms held him securely as he felt comfort begin to sweep his body. The towel was snug and warm, and he felt like a kid again. The hand continued to pet his hair, and Carl shakily sighed into the touch.

He eventually stared up at the person who held him and their face came into higher quality. The blurriness went away as he blinked away tears.

The face he stared up at was Negan.


	4. Who We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carl knows it's odd that his enemy is comforting him. It's odd that he loves the way Negan holds him, the way that he speaks gently to him, and the way that he's just so damn comforting. Carl is confused, and Negan wants to help him. A fluffy chapter.

The warmth that enveloped his fragil body was soothing. He felt the heat that radiated from Negan's body and his own consumed said heat greedily. He needed the heat. It grounded him. His world felt a sense of comfort. He needed it. He needed this to ground his existence. To dismiss his disassociation with life. 

Carl's mind was too hazy, yet racing at the same time to worry about being embarrassed. He stared up at his saviors face, which had an unfamiliar expression written across it. Concern. Pure concern. The teen's breathing was now steady as compared to his previous hyperventilating. The sound of Negan's baritone voice filled his ears as he was quietly shushing him. He felt the deep voice vibrating from Negan's chest that he was pressed against. He was being held like a baby. Bridal style. Negan was rocking him slowly and shushing him, and as Carl came back to reality he felt shame. Pure shame. But also appreciation.

The brunette gulped, his sobs having left his body at this point as he simply laid his damp head on Negan's chest in relaxation. The room was silent. Carl could feel Negan's heart beat. It was strong and steady. It was as though the organ was telling him to relax. That he was safe here. Safe in his arms. 

Carl didn't know how long they stayed this way. He wasn't keeping track of the time. He was living in another world, separate from this dimension, but Negan was the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

Negan eventually spoke, "Tell me what's on your mind Carl." 

It was both demanding, yet tender. Carl realized Negan was actually talking to him as an equal, and not talking down to him like usual. He sounded so....so real. So sincere. It was different than the charade he regularly put on for his followers. 

Carl kept his sapphire eye trained on Negan's face as he opened his mouth to speak. His voice sounded dry and scratchy, like a chalkboard. "I'm dirty." He croaked out weakly. He sounded dejected. Defeated. And drained.

"What do you mean?" Negan asked benevolently. He had his full undivided attention on Carl, which made Carl nervous yet pleased for some odd reason.

The brunette let out a shaky sigh as he reached a hand up to mess with one of the buttons on the collar of Negan's leather jacket. Negan didn't seem to really mind. He was being patient with the damaged boy. 

"I can....feel it." Carl spoke slowly. He closed his eye. "I can feel him. His hands...his breath...his smell....his touch...I'm disgusting." He continued, his expression turning bitter. "I felt it. I felt it all. I...I hated it...but..." the teen felt a lump beginning to form in his throat. "but I...I felt weird from it...I'm disgusting-"

"Stop saying that." Negan interrupted him with a snappy tone. "You're not disgusting." He clarified. Carl looked up at him, his eye widening with surprise. 

Negan continued, "You can't help what happened. Those bastards? They're fuckin' disgusting. I sent them straight to hell." His hazel eyes filled with a fire-y gaze. "You're a badass." He spoke with such a firm, convincing tone, as though he was a motivational speaker giving a pep talk. It was much more than that though. Negan's eyes reflected respect. They were telling him that he actually /cared/.

Carl sighed out once more as he brought a hand to his face and he rubbed his temples due to the stress giving him a mild headache. "....I must look like I'm throwing a fucking pity party..." he muttered shamefully. 

"You're not kid." Negan's voice was level and calming to Carl's ears. "You're actin' like a normal human being. We all got fuckin' emotions and shit. You gotta express them. Just, not like this. Ever again." 

At first Carl felt a sense of panic rise in his chest again as he thought Negan was telling him he was being annoying by relying on him right now. He soon understood Negan's meaning though as his arms were grabbed in large hands, and Negan's fingers danced over the rough, bleeding skin. 

His stare was intense. It made Carl nervous again. Almost as if Negan could tell, the older man released his arms. "Stay here." He commanded as he moved to lay Carl down on the bed. The feeling of Negan's body leaving his own left him with growing anxiety. Carl hated how dependent he now felt on this man, the man that used to be his enemy. 

He was so tired though. So, so fucking tired.

Carl rolled over onto his side and stared blankly at the wall. He pulled the soft towel tighter to his body to keep himself covered as he closed his eye in thought. All the feelings of discomfort and self-loathing seemed to rush back at him now that he wasn't resting against Negan's chest. His large, comforting, safe chest. The way his heart had thumped soothingly, the way his hands oh so gently pet his hair in a way he'd never seen Negan do for anyone else-

Carl looked up as he felt the weight from someone sitting on the bed join him.

"Sit up." The older man spoke.

Carl complied, and he slowly sat up to look at Negan. Negan had taken off his leather jacket and scarlet scarf, and he wore a simple white t-shirt which hugged his toned body nicely. Carl took note of this as he felt Negan take a hold of his arm. 

Carl hissed at the sudden sting produced from the cloth Negan pressed onto his broken skin.

"Calm down kid, I know you've dealt with stuff worse than this shit." Negan replied, his gaze focused on tending to Carl's wounds as he pressed the antiseptic cloth down his arm. He proceeded to do so for Carl's other arm before wrapping them with bandages. Carl simply watched. He knew this whole situation was bizarre. His sworn enemy tending to his wounds. Well, it was all bizarre the moment Carl had woken up in this bed honestly. 

Carl jumped as he felt the towel being pulled from his waist where it had gathered. He quickly took a hold of it to keep Negan from pulling it off of him.

Negan sighed out, "I'm just wanting to see if you hurt yourself anywhere else. Did you?" 

Carl shook his head. He felt relief as Negan released the towel, and the man left again. He was back a moment later with a spare towel, and Carl gave him a curious look.

Carl then felt the towel being rubbed on his head. Ah, Negan was drying his hair. It was a nice feeling that Carl leaned into. He then felt a hairbrush being ran through his long locks, and he just let it happen. Normally Carl would've been more difficult with the man. But at this moment, he liked the pampering he was being given. It was calming to just focus on Negan's fingers on his scalp and those same calloused hands brush through his long hair.

Carl's eye watched Negan walk off for yet another time, and he observed the man digging through the nearby chest of drawers. Soon after, Negan had dressed Carl in another one of his white t-shirts and some black simple boxer briefs (though Carl had insisted to put those on himself) which were loose on the teen's slim body. Who knew he'd be in Negan's bed wearing his underwear? Carl sure would've never predicted it.

The teen moved to lay back down in Negan's bed. He glanced to see Negan staring down at him with his hands on his slender hips, his expression looking amused.

"Makin' yourself comfy boy?" He asked with a short chuckle.

Carl shrugged. "Never said I couldn't." 

Negan's expression seemed to lighten up at Carl's response. It was probably because he was being more responsive and like his regular self. The brunette felt touched that Negan even cared in the slightest. It was weird how he felt this intense urge to just hug the man and tell him thank you. Of course, he was too prideful to admit to that. 

"Well kid, you've wasted my whole goddamn day." Negan spoke as Carl felt him sit on the bed next to him. 

Carl didn't know it'd been a whole day. You really lose track of time when you're so stuck in your head. 

Carl turned to look at Negan with his typical side-eyed glare. "Well you're the one who chose to help me." Carl mentally wanted to kick himself. Why couldn't he just be normal and show thanks? He always had to be so difficult, even to the people that helped him. 

Negan raised a brow and he laid back on the headrest of the bed. "That is true." He replied simply. "But tomorrow you'll be gettin' your ass in gear." He stated. 

"Yeah, yeah..." Carl sighed out as he snuggled down into the pillows. The room went silent. Carl could feel Negan's eyes on him, and he gulped.

"I don't think I can sleep." Carl admitted in a soft voice. 

"Oh?"

"Yeah....when I close my eyes I just....it just replays in my head again." 

Carl went quiet again. He felt like maybe he was going too far with Negan's odd kindness. He closed his eye, worry and anxiety washing over him like a wave from the ocean. He felt himself begin to shiver. The small shakes turned into violent shivering. His breathing turned heavy. 

What was he doing here?

If everything never happened, he'd be back at Alexandria. He'd have Judith in his arms, eating dinner at the table with his dad and Michonne. Sure, Negan would still be reigning over them, but at least he would have his family. 

Suddenly Carl jolted as he felt an arm wrap around him.

He was quietly shushed, and Carl melted into the hold that the man had from behind him. His heart began to beat. But not in the same way as before. It was odd. He felt so good. Like before, Carl's emotions leveled out to comfort as he rolled over to face Negan's chest. He buried his head into it and inhaled deeply.

He smelled like a mixture of whiskey and smoke, along with...something else. Something purely, entirely Negan. 

The smell alleviated his worries. Carl felt the rough stubble of Negan's beard against the top of his head as he was held close to his chest. His chest was so toned and strong, and Carl loved leaning his ear against the steady thumping of his heart.

Carl closed his eye. Instead of the vivid imagery that had occupied his sleep before, he just saw nothing. Well, not nothing. It was like an aura of warmth and bliss surrounded him and Negan, shrouding them from the outside world. Carl didn't worry about the outside world like this. Negan's steady breathing and strong arm that gently hung around his waist told him he was safe. 

Carl fell asleep peacefully, in the arms of the devil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not much happened in this chapter, I wanted to focus on the emotions and some fluff! But, next chapter I have plans for a plot to start building. Thank you for all of the kudos and comments so far! It's very motivating!


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